friday forte: the random thought generator

wire and fibre ring: you'll have someone's eye out with that my dear

Taking a lead from the amazing Amber (again - one day she'll write my blog posts I hope and then I can retire) today's friday forte will be a series of random jottings and observations.


#1: I listened to an interview with a Canadian doctor who spent 370 days including a winter-over in Antarctica. He described the kind of sensory deprivation that comes about from being isolated in such an environment with a limited amount of company for interaction with, and how he suspected it altered neural pathways in the brain. When he then moved on to how it felt to be released into the real world again I experienced a flash of de ja vu - it's very similar to what a lot of mothers describe during their 'at home' years with the kids. The kind of emotions and experiences, especially of interacting with others, encountering busy spaces, being bewildered by choice, are all emotions I've run through as I emerge from the SAHM-cocoon. Mummy brain - it's not just for pregnancy?


#2: Mums who are older than the norm, have differing experiences of being SAHM. It might be a generational thing but my sympathy lies with younger mums who are themselves still growing up as they raise their kids. They seem less confident in themselves about their own needs and requirements, and how to get them met. Or maybe I'm just feistier?


#3: I think I know what I want to do but I'm having to take a pause for a little while before stepping out on that road (she says mysteriously ....).


#4: This week's accomplishment = getting Wee Guy's dad to book Wee Guy's birthday party. I have also given Wee Guy's Dad a list of presents which Wee Guy wants, implying that it's up to Dad to buy them. This will be a radical break from tradition in which Dad usually does nothing more than turn up to the gift opening and coo over the presents. OK, he did get Wee Guy and Starbucks mug for Christmas (which the Wee Guy wanted I hasten to add).


#5: I am practising gratitude this week despite last week's friday forte rant. By practising I mean the gratitudinous bits are being written down in my sparkly new journal. I am also practising postive thinking - each night I squeeze a positive thought about my husband out of the quagmire of my disturbed neural pathways into aformentioned journal. I have a buddy who is squeezing positive thoughts (not necessarily about her other half) out in the morning. This scheduling should keep the world in balance and no sudden plagues will descend on Lower Mainland (I hope).

#6: I haven't managed to go snowboarding again, I have been out every night this week, I'm super-excited to be taking part in the Port Moody ArtWalk (I'll be at Tealicious on Clarke Street) and that I got accepted as a vendor for Fab Fair in June!!


#7 ..... and accepted for the New Westminster farmers market this summer. Woot! Had a lovely time with the jury panel too, what a great end to Tuesday it was!

.... more friday forte here.

Friday forte: so what now?

So what now? What does all this "friday forte" stuff really mean?
This is not a cry for help or for commiseration.
It's not seeking sympathy or pointing accusing fingers (though I really do rant on a lot about it).
It's not begging for solutions though I love your comments. They are thoughtful and insightful and supportive. Although no one can tell me what to do, the mere fact that you are dropping by to leave your mark is a great boost to me. Thank you.
No, this is me choosing to publicly (well as publicly as you can get with a blog readership of 28) describe what I'm going through right now. These posts are what is happening inside my head as I try to justify and make sense of the way I feel right now at this point in my life. It's not pretty and it's quite scrappy; to be completely honest I would rather not be having to do this.
Simply put, I am trying to move thru all of this emotional and other baggage to get out on the other side. I'm trying to discover how I should make my way thru the rest of my life, with enthusiasm and passion and confidence abounding to pass onto the Wee Guy. It's something I really do need to work out for myself - I've done it before, possibly more painfully, and arrived on a good path to take ... and it's been all my own work ..... which I've been more at ease with eventually than with someone else's solution. Where do I go now?
One of the most influential books in my life has been Dale Carnegie's How to Stop Worrying and Start Living which I got my hands on (and no doubt extra worries) when my husband moved in with his vast eclectic library of self help books (ranging from writing a resume to the tao of sex!). The main thing I learned from Dale was that I should name and prioritise my worries before facing them. It still works for me hence the blogging about it.
So far I've faced and 'beaten down' image (new hairstyle, and revamped wardrobe), adding a little spring in my step. I've tackled what I need to do every day by timetabling/prioritising, and tried to paste in a little 'me' time once in a while. Following some seriously depressing online counseling I've made more effort to widen my circle; as an avowed hermit this is not easy. I've stepped up the exercise. I've also identified what was stopping me in my tracks and boosted my babysitting options. My home business is benefiting.
Spring is bursting in on the scene and with all that I've achieved so far, I'm feeling very optimistic. On reflection and in hindsight, maybe I should have planned the motherhood thing and mid life crisis not to happen at exactly the same time, but with efficiency I can knock two birds on the head at once! Still on the drawing board are the biggies; career/employment/further education, business planning for pomo mama design, family life/relationships/parenting (an ongoing work of art!), my dreams. Stay tuned!

forte!
More Friday forte posts here

friday forte! - another morsel

It's time for another friday forte post - usually I write these up and edit thru the week but today I'm a little behind in my routine.
So to get things rolling, let's list some accomplishments for this week (ra ra).

• exercise - since my last forte post I've kept up the exercise though I did wimp out of cross country skiing on Saturday as it was raining. I've swum twice, fenced, visited the gym for a run thus logging about 2 miles and 1300m in distances covered! Feeling good, feeling lighter too :)
• childcare - fingers continually crossed but I have childcare for two events next week (including one sleepover!). Since not all my "work" can be fitted into school hours I really need reliable after hours sitters too. Life would be wayyyyyyy easier if all I did was during my period of "free" childminding at school but that's not how it works out. Anyway, evening pursuits get me out and about away from the husband permanently glued to his laptop (he asked me the same question twice one evening so I know he's not really paying attention even if I am in for the evening).
• "work" applications - I've sent off a couple of craft fair event registrations and am in the middle of making up jury packages for some B&M's (bricks and mortar aka shops) - wish me luck pls
  

In my last post I mentioned I was reading a book on 'dressing for your forties" - it's no joke! I really do need an image makeover (see above for my usual uniform - jeans, T shirt top, sensible hair ....) but just what does a 40+ y old SAHM wear? and how do I clothe this new bod of mine. The legacy of pregnancy/C-section/breastfeeding has been a bigger (droopier) bust, weight gain issues, a truly matronly upper body, thicker waist, facial wrinkles ..... in short, it's not the body I grew up with. And yes, I mentioned the 'm' word - matronly = guaranteed to strike fear into the heart of every (older) woman. Image does matter, even if you're stuck at home most of the time (well, it does to me).

Another volume I've devoured recently has been "What Your Clothes Say ABout You" by the very excellent Trinny and Susannah. I have been a huge fan of their image makeover advice ever since I (temporarily) ended up with 38G instead of 34A. They write sensibly, don't pull their punches and back it up with brilliant photos.

My clothing/style needs have certainly changed with the arrival of the Wee Guy into my life, but I've also aged. What was really 'hot' on a 30 year old postgrad now looks ridiculous. My arse is bigger and boobs even more so. I have wrinkles and grey hairs (amazingly curly ones too!). I can no longer rock short skirts and big boots without looking a total cougar (another horrifying word to the more mature). My slightly androgynous style of dressing looks horrific on my expanded bosom (the top shown above never tented forward with boobs when I first bought it many years ago), making me look like a shot-putter in drag. It's been a total journey of despair on some days.

And to cap it all, I'm meant to be a stylish jewelry designer, not a frump!

Well, I'm still working on it. I'm planning a very brutal wardrobe cull this week.
My one word of advice - bold patterns are your friend, and don't knock the shapewear!
(OK two words!)

forte!

friday forte: should i review?

treading the boards, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

spoiler: if you are here looking for a "year in review" post, this isn't it. please call back in late february

It's the year end, it's also friday, and thus it should be a friday forte post where I metaphorically (or whatever) lay myself bare while incorporating a look back at how far I've traveled on my journey of mid-life /late motherhood enlightenment.

Hell, no! It's bad enough trying to remember last week let alone all year, and, as I read recently, dwelling on misery in the past can depress the mood.

So I'll just focus on what's in my head currently (honest - I did have a very enjoyable christmas despite all the lead in). I might get around to reviewing the year once I make it into 2011 :)

So ... back to regular friday forte planning ... except that I actually feeling quite content and un-ranty. I'll try not to disappoint.

We (the usual suspects plus our visitor) went to the ballet yesterday afternoon. Ballet BC are hosting performances of The Nutcracker with Alberta Ballet and hundreds of (unpaid) local children. It was the first ballet performance attended by the Wee Guy, and the second by mr ebb.

Summary
the ballet - Klara and her prince danced their little hearts out, the other principals less so (apart from an extremely hot arabian trio), the ?unpaid children were cute as the mice and less cute but talented otherwise, the choreography was unchallenging, costumes to die for, and the VSO rocked out the Tchaikovsky score (so amazing to have a ballet with live music).
the Wee Guy - entranced thru out (binoculars = a Good Thing to pack in the bag, YouTube ballet vids = good prep)
mr ebb - no fidgeting despite not being a ballet fan
lil sis - did not implode as we raced up to the theatre, almost late

me
Well, two things occurred to me during the performance.
* Men in tights leave nothing to the imagination.
* Romantic ballet as a metaphor for real life.


what are you talking about

Yes, yes, yes I realise that a lot of what I burble on about is re: crafting a life* for myself, working out how to work in, around and in spite of the family, cultivating some independence, carving out a meaningful life amidst the domestic drudgery, etc. But ... doesn't every** woman wish, at some point in their life, for a handsome, charming and graceful prince to sweep into her life, take charge and gather her up in his arms (without taking over)? I know I can "do it all myself" but occasionally it would be nice to take a break, know that someone is watching my back for me, and is ready to catch me if I fall. Also that somebody is willing to lift me higher, to climb higher and bring things into reach.

A lot of what I have been 'featuring' in my friday forte posts can be distilled down to the pas de deux in a romantic ballet; support, love, willing companionship, grace, strength, passion, partnership, and to be swept off my feet more than once in a while.

I think that's as much of a review as you're going to get.
Happy New Year

* and btw, have you singed up for my friend Amber's Crafting Your Life (motherhood, redefined) workshop series, starting mid January (early bird registration ends tomorrow)?
**ok - there's bound to be at least one smart commenter who disagrees


get cracking

friday forte: the 'so darn proud of myself' post

items featured in the Blackberry Artist's cooperative gift shop during May

This is the 'blowing my own trumpet' edition of friday forte cos everyone needs a little pride in themselves once in a while.


Achievements (in no particular order);

• successfully took a week off work ;)
• solo trip to my first blogging conference (and I even spoke to people!)
• successful and enjoyable family day out
• Mother's Day and there were no tears (well, a few from me at gift giving)
• my husband understood what I was talking about/getting upset over (big thing this one)
• featured artist at my local artist cooperative (see above)
• have blogged every weekday in May so far on my other blog and scheduled enough posts to cover May in the other blog
• didn't have a melt down at yet another failure in childcare arrangements :(
• had a date with myself
• Wee Guy lost one of his troublesome teeth (with my help) (hopefully avoiding a trip to the dentist)
• shoes!
• spinach, sunflower and kale seedlings coming up!!!!
• had lunch with a couple of friends; totally unexpected, spontaneous and great fun - new playdate planned as a result

Definitely an odd assortment but it's been a calm and pleasant week for a change. Apart from what turned out to be a minor blip (major blip smoothed over by husband) I'm wondering if this is what normal life is actually like? B - you may be onto something .......


forte!

friday forte: to helicopter or not to helicopter?

pig race cheerleader, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

A short and late-ish friday forte post cos I'm still wittering on about what a time crunch I'm in until school is back (which I'm not counting until Wednesday since Tuesday is a pissy old 30 minutes during which the teachers do what exactly??).

Anyhows ..... back to the blog post.

The Wee Guy and I went to the fair on Wednesday (though I had to check on the photo info for the date as I just couldn't remember!!). Yes, The Fair (that one!).
We had a lot of fun, mostly guided by my small companion's whims (apart from the very sore and vexatious question on buying super-tacky light saber glowsticks which I vetoed - much sadness in the land of small). His most adventurous self-guided moment was volunteering as cheerleader at the pig races. He stuck his little arm in the air, energetically waving it around, no doubt assuming that, as always, he would never be picked.

But he was.

He was the smallest cheerleader in that race.

Let's back up a little for readers unfamiliar with PNE pig racing. As far as I understand, it's a tradition in the Farm Country barn. Cute pink porkers race around a narrow trackway to be first at the feeding barrel. (They run just after the ducks, in case you are interested). The crowd is divided into four teams, each with two piggies to cheer on. And this is where the cheerleaders come in.

So, back to my Wee Guy.
He was picked.
He left his seat and joined the other cheerleaders. He was in charge of Team One.
And that's when the stage fright took hold. The other three Chosen Ones managed to swallow the banter and hurl a few pig noises into the microphone .... but when it came to the Wee Guy's turn he just crumpled, put his face in his hands and sobbed.

At this point I didn't know what to do.
I felt like rushing to his side and whisking him away. Should I 'helicopter' in to rescue him and protect him from this uncomfortable moment? Ought I rush to his aid and mother him? Should I make it alright for him? How long should I leave him to wrestle with the situation on his own? What kind of mother could 'abandon' her child like this?

But as I twitched on the bleachers I saw him pull himself together and stand up. The other cheerleaders had another 'oink' into the mic, then it was the Wee Guy's turn again. He stood tall and managed an squeal or a "souieeee" (I forget at this point which pig-associated noise they were on to) into the PA.
Team One cheered.

My heart burst with pride, along with the rest of Team One judging by the encouragement he was getting from them. Then we all 'stood' behind him in a cheerleading contest, cheering as much for him as for the pigs.

Then the pigs raced. And he waved the Team 1 flag. And we lost, but he still got a T shirt, a coupon for Those Little Donuts, and we were both puffed up with pride for the rest of our visit.

He discovered that I can be proud of him for the strangest of reasons.
I learned that his inner strength and character are stronger than I thought.
I learned that even though he can do it all by himself, I still feel like I should be there instead.

And it reminded me that sometimes ... OK most of the time, even if you don't want to (someone call the cavalry?), getting in there and fixing it yourself can be the best reward.

forte Wee Guy, bravo!


pig race T shirt winner

friday forte: my last?

I guess this should in theory be my last friday forte, if I want to stay mildly accurate to the title (more on this later - stay tuned - don't you just love ambiguous posts?)?

"in which i blog about

• my mid life crisis
• my attempts to find peace and harmony as a SAHM
• my attempts to re-launch myself into the workplace with minimal disruption to family life
• my fledgling craft and design business

... in other words, and in summary, my attempts to craft in, around, and in spite of my family in an effort to stay sane."

I suppose however, that I'm still blogging about the same journey - it's just the title that might have to change to reflect a new decade. If I look back over all the friday forte posts I've written, there is a sense of progression, a little like the series of self portraits in the pic above that I created over a week's blissful two-hours-a-day art workshop.

It's still a journey, a voyage of discovery - when do I get into port?

friday forte: so what is it all about then?

friday forte: in which i blog about my midlife crisis and you read about it, dammit!


Tum te tum. So what have we covered so far?
Well, we've been thru looks, appearance and wardrobe (still working on wardrobe, apart from the shoes).
I've muttered on about childcare solutions and failures.
I've hinted at relationship woes and successes.
We've covered finances, ageing and dabbled in pregnancy matters via events around mother's day.

What's left?
There's an awful lot left (she says menacingly, looking daggers at anyone who dares to check a watch or try to leave early).
My career, godammit! *growls*

To be completely honest I put the career on hold when we emigrated to Canada in late 2001 (my choice). Once we got here the lure of part-time work at the weekends was, meh, not that enticing (poorly paid, not in my field of interest) so we recklessly spent our free time exploring our new home. Instead of paid employment I volunteered while mr. ebb was at work in The Big City. I helped coordinate continuing education for local veterinary surgeons (yes, I built that website too!) and kept up with my own professional development in return. I taught adaptive snowboarding on a local mountain and gained both CASI and CADS (level II) teaching certificates as a result. And I virtually lived at Vancouver Aquarium with its incredible volunteer program - I taught marine mammal biology to schoolkids, transcribed interviews for a book, dabbled in graphic design, helped cover the news desk, got dirty and smelly at seal rehab (during the first icky trimester of pregnancy nonetheless), and brushed up my admin skills in the volunteer office. (I was busy). I gained my Bronze Fish pin in my first year there.

So I got pregnant too; a sort of traditional posted overseas, expat, trailing spouse kind of thing to do. It made sense - my eggs weren't getting any younger, indeed they were probably frying as we debated, and when would we get the time to pursue fertility like this again?

The Wee Guy arrived, we became parents and I became a fulltime SAHM .... and mostly it wasn't too frightening. I did what my mother had done for me - I stayed at home while the Wee Guy did his infancy growing up thing.

He's now in school full time - he still needs me to be around, but I now have this chunk of childless time in the middle of the day, not really long enough to do anything out-of-the-home constructive with but long enough to make me wonder, "what the heck am i doing now?"

.... which is the crux of my question. What exactly am I doing here now? What should I be doing? Where should I be doing it?

I'm over the 'it being a complete luxury' to stay at home - we don't need two incomes so far, end of discussion. We only have one child, one car and few expensive tastes (shoes don't count - I get most of them at thrift). Should I feel guilty for being at home 24/7?* Should I feel guilty at wanting to resume some kind of career? Should I feel guilty for 'wasting' my education? How many shoes is too many?

But, what about security, financial security, job security and all that jazz? I am financially dependent on my husband, for today, tomorrow and into retirement now. My job skills are not current - if he loses his job it is unlikely that I can just pick something up to keep us afloat. And what about retirement? - he now has to think in terms of a pension for two ........and all of this because we chose to raise a family and have a parent at home for the child we are raising.

I would like (and it may be lala cloud cuckoo fantasy land in reality) to work out something which would remove so much of the burden from my husband, which would allow me to contribute to the household budget in a meaningful way ie. not just pouring it into childcare, which would provide a satisfying out-of-the-home life for me, but still allow us to parent our child in the way we choose to.
Is this too much to ask? And what exactly am I asking for anyway? What exactly am I prepared to give up in return? Do I have to give up the SAHM-deal in return for the kind of career/financial/not-just-a-mum existence I'm envisioning? Will the extra work be worth it all?

Yes, I know - back to the gin and the Valium! Thanks for reading :))




forte!

* Hell, no!

friday forte: just open the door and walk right in

Fave spaces - opus on granville island, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

This forte is a day late with no apology. Thursday moody introspective reflection brought on lots of thought, and some lovely comments with much understanding. Thank you. I am indeed picking myself up and putting myself back out there ... as I always do.

Thank you to those of you who realise that it is more than just walking up to the door and pulling it open to step inside. Sometimes the door is too heavy, or locked. I can look inside and see I want to be there. Sometimes I can't find the door and can only peer through the windows. I keep walking round the perimeter. Mostly I just see others stepping across the threshold.

I did get into Opus yesterday - just pulled open the door and walked in past the very tempting array of juicy Copic markers. Its shelves an inspiration as usual, stacked with potential and possibilities, of projects in waiting open to all hands. Just reach out and grasp - there's no one to say, you're not qualified to do that. I bought three mini cradled panels for some Christmas mixed media work I have in mind - a few more eternal gardens which cannot be killed off. This was just after I dropped off my portfolio for a standards of quality jury where yes, I will be judged. Wish me luck.

See - I'm no stranger to putting myself out there or picking myself up repeatedly. Each time I do, my soul is exposed and I'm vulnerable. To do it repeatedly is exhausting - some would say soul-destroying - but I keep going. An easy entry would be nice for change though.

friday forte - the next dose

To recap: I'm not all that happy about the way I'm crawling thru my forties so here's how I'm planning on making the changes.

This week went well despite a prolonged period of solo parenting while DH was away on business. This week I was Back On Track after the distracting whirl of christmas. Since last Friday's post I've managed a 20 minute run while the Wee Guy was skating, a morning's cross country skiing (while he was in Jackrabbits), a 30 minute run at the gym (Wee Guy in childcare ...), 800m swim (ditto, lessons .... sensing a pattern yet) and I did manage to go to my fencing lesson thanks to some excellent childminding (by my guinea pig sitter, not kidding). Wednesday was my cool down (telecommunications and internet upgrading day - I completed my inventory logging while the tech worked around the house) and Thursday I swam again.

All in all, a good week .... and did you spot the goal achieved? Yes - childcare. A small step but one that will leave me less frustrated and a little more independent.

On reflection it is the loss of independence which frustrates me most. Pre-child I wouldn't say I didn't have a care in the world but dealing with someone else's total dependence was not on the agenda when planning late nights, spontaneous breaks, last minute treats or networking opportunities. Now it seems my whole waking life is muddled with interdependence. True, I wouldn't change it for the world since not having my little interdependent co-traveller would make my world a sadder place but ........ it does confuse even the simplest issue and I can't help but think wistfully of simpler times.

forte!

ps: currently reading "40 over 40: 40 things every woman over 40 needs to know about getting dressed" by Brenda Kinsel - wardrobe makeover next perhaps?

friday forte: out to lunch

Oh and in so many ways!

Almost at the end of Spring Break - the Wee Guy and I headed downtown (in a leisurely, just before noon, sort of fashion), stopping off at Laughing Bean to refuel after a late waffley breakfast. We snacked then got to Science World in time to fight our way round the (much reduced) exhibits on display (are they still charging full price admission?). Thanks to our refueling pit stop we managed to escape the 'completely-at-at-odds-with-the-healthy-eating-and-zero-packaging-message-upstairs' fine dining experience (was it even open?) and settled for lunch in the public market on Granville Island (gee, I miss being close to that place).

So what's this week's pithy Friday forte comment?
Nothing, except I don't want this kind of thing to end. I'm even firmer in my resolve to find some kind of gainful, meaningful paid employment which I can fit in, around and in spite of the family. I don't want to have to battle for days off, or plonk my kid in front of an electronic minder during his holidays, or become stressed when the holidays loom into my work periods. I still believe it can be done. I don't know how I'll manage it. I'm pretty sure it won't be simple.

But I do know I don't want to lose this (what mother doesn't want to see her son take on a giant sparrow or sideways worms <rotate damn photo, rotate dammit> these days? Get real!)

friday forte: note to self

SPT 22nd July, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

note to self: smile godammit

It's been all quiet on the online bloggy front from me for a week. I've been away on The Family Holiday (we survived: we got eaten by mosquitoes: we cycled around a lot and enjoyed it: we were in a tent and in sleeping bags so there was no nookie ....... but that's a whole other kettle of fish).

More importantly, I was offline for an entire four days!! and I didn't go nuts. I didn't crave or twitch, and didn't ditch the boys to run off to an internet cafe.

Instead I read self-help books and knitted (and slapped bugs - have I mentioned the mosquitoes?). These were not the usual self-help books (which means nothing since I don't think I've blogged about anything other than wardrobe crisis "what do i put my enormous new boobage into?" manuals).

The first book I romped through was "Speaking of Sadness" by Professor of Sociology, David Karp. It's a collection of interviews with people who have depression, curated by the author who has also dealt with it during his own life. What is different about the approach here is that the information comes first hand from those at the front of the condition i.e. the patients. There are some very candid descriptions of living with depression and facing up to treatment. What I found extremely interesting were the personal accounts of medical ie. pharmacological treatment, and the journey leading up to the decision to take drugs. On a more sobering note, almost all those interviewed emphasised that living with depression is living with a chronic disease, one with no remission, just acceptance and recognition. By no means am I as badly affected as those who cannot even get out of bed in the morning, but reading the accounts has made me realise how much it clamps down on all aspects of my life. For example, the references to isolation spoke volumes to me.

My second book on cheerful self-discovery and relationship improvement was "Loving Men More, Needing Men Less" by Judith Sills ....... I wasn't sure what was going on here until about a third of the way into the text. After an awful lot of explaining, Dr. Sills finally managed to reassure me that I wasn't on the road to becoming a surrendered wife (hell, no). Far from it, her feminist roots blazing to the fore, the reader is urged not to put up with crap, abuse or general suckage but to engineer a way of dealing with the 'relationship problems in hand' by rising above them to her own benefit (or at least that's how I'm summarising it all). There's a bit more discussion here as food for thought. And I slapped my own mosquitoes, thank you.

So ... not the usual "exotic romance" novels holiday reading then, eh? Not the usual "let's fix everything and everybody" self help manuals either. Although a little different in focus (!) each book represents a slightly new tangent for my thinking. In the first, yes I am admitting to mild to moderate depressive melancholia, but with the second I'm tackling its cause by looking at what I can change ie. my own outlook on the way I deal with the relationship issues, rather than focusing on what I cannot/have not/will likely never in a month of Sundays change.

yawn Yes, it's me, me, me, me again all the way. But with the focus that it's me that needs to grow, that I'm responsible for my own mental health, and that I can engineer my own happiness/success by concentrating on myself for a change.

forte!

PS: to all interested parties - this isn't a "get out of jail free" card BTW
PPS: the knitting? "Greensleeves" from the 3rd Sublime Aran pattern book - halfway up the front now :)

friday forte : traditionally yours

friday forte : traditionally yours, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

We swam, we saw, we ate ice cream. 
Friday. 
We've done so much tradition that we could each cash in a loyalty card. 
One of us had gummy bears in his scoop. 
All of us had fun and full tummies. 
Tradition. 

Created by PhotoGrid.

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Sent from Samsung tablet

friday forte: setting sail

It's nearly bedtime and I haven't a clue what to write about this Friday.
Friday's friday forte should be somewhat ranty perhaps with maybe a more positive pro-active midlife monday to follow ... but I'm afraid happiness has broken out with a side order of contentment.
Or maybe I'm just too mellow.
Anyway, enjoy the pic.
I've been making stuff.
I should be making more for next week's Canada Day fair at Evergreen.
And I've been writing my fingers off for my work experience term (and it gets published soon - expect lots of gratuitous hyperlinking) and getting paid for it too.
:o

Friday forte: seven years ago .....

seven years ago ....., originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

It's a bit of a weird friday forte posting today - my head is with the memories of seven years ago (I would have been asleep back in 2003, epidural in place and catching up on some rest before the grand arrival). In the next room the Wee Guy is fighting sleep right now as he's too excited about tomorrow - seven seems to be a really exciting and aware age.
The picture above, our blissful lack of awareness tinged with uncertainty about the future as we spend one of our last evenings alone together in a pre-parental existence seems hard to recollect.
What exactly was life like before we had a family of our own?
I myself feel that the last seven years has been a time of incredible growth for me, where I've truly become the adult who realises there's still a lot of growing up to do.
Life has changed so much for me that it's hard to remember a time before ... before I had a near-constant little shadow around me all the time. As someone who relishes her personal space and frequently seeks solitude, motherhood has been a huge voyage of discovery for me. Within limits, I've found that I really do enjoy my son's company and that he does add value to my daily life. He's taught me what it is to share life, living with another person rather than just sharing living space. He's as much the teacher as I am. I will admit though that it's all been a necessary change, not optional but imperative, for survival as a mother/child unit. I don't think we do too badly (thinks back to cupcakes at the mall this afternoon!).
As for the other sitters in the photograph; well, sadly Mauz the cat (furry bum on the right) had to be euthanased three months after the Wee guy came home to us. He had thyroid disease and kidney failure, but before he left us he truly welcomed our new addition. I have some lovely pics of the two together.
And the human, the soon-to-be new dad? How has he fared? He's come up trumps with the new responsibilities thrust on him as sole breadwinner and co-parent. As I talk to other (younger) mums I realise how much more he does in terms of spreading the load at home and how lucky I am. He's as fully capable of taking charge of the childcare for an entire weekend as he is of cleaning the bathrooms or planning the meals (which he does every weekend). He doesn't expect to disappear taking "time off" on Saturdays and Sundays for "working all week" which some dads do (what the f*ck do you think your child(ren)'s mother has been doing then?) and he doesn't see staying at home in the evening as babysitting. Although I don't think he's done as much growing up as I have and, rather irritatingly, he still views childcare arrangements as totally my responsibility, I am still impressed at how involved a father he actually is day-to-day. ......... and at how much more hair he's lost in the process :)

friday forte: not sure where it went

Somewhere in the ether between email and posterous my Friday forte post is lurking; it hasn't made it to posterous and it sure as hell hasn't made it to the blog. Wassup?

So, this is friday' post (well as much as I can remember) coming at you now.

I think I whiffled on about having 'to do' list a mile long, and having deadlines to be met pronto.

I might have mentioned that I seem to be working on something Every Single Minute of consciousness (and unconsciousness too if my dreams are any reflection).

I might even have spluttered about having homework to throw into the mix.

.... and to cap it all, there was a Pro D day too!

Then I spoiled it all by saying I had thrown in the towel and gone skiing for the day with the Wee Guy!

:p

See and download the full gallery on posterous

friday forte: not a lot

come into my parlour ..., originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

ms griz inspiring yet another belly rub (go on, you can do better)

I do have a post in prep ..... but not for this week. Actually I have two up the sleeve of my hard drive, so to speak.
But this week, it's almost 10pm on Friday and I'm mindful about not writing 'meh' ;)

This week .... this week?
I've been musing over something from Social Media Camp at the beginning of October (btw, there was a call out for speakers/seminars for the 2011 event), about writing "exceptional, not acceptional" blog posts (can you tell it's been on my mind?).

And lately, I've been further pondering on the topic of keyword stuffing* (not that I would know a keyword if it came up and bit my nose) and writing "meh" (following a comment by @unmarketing who I think coined the "acceptional" phrase above).

So to blog or not to blog? To only blog when the output is exceptional, well crafted, brilliant, adds to the debate? To only hit publish when your words add meaning to the internet? To only write online when you have a cause to follow, or an idea to publicise, or a message to send out into the ether?

I think not.

I think blogging can be great practice, wonderful exercise for one of your many creative muscles. You can't shoot hoops straight off but imagine where you be if you didn't even try because all you shot were misses.

Mastering the piano takes more than opening the page at Für Elise and bashing it out note perfect first time.

Prepping a whole meal requires the baby steps of beans on toast followed by tinned fruit, before launching into boeuf en daube with all the trimmings for ten.

Imagine stopping at this (my first ever wire and fibre cuff) and not keeping on going to try and improve to all of these (more adventures in wire and fibre)? My first attempts were, shall I say, hideous but I didn't hide them (maybe I should have) - I watched customer reaction (!) at craft fairs and modified my techniques. I've just finished teaching another wire and fibre workshop, my pieces have been in one exhibition and will be in one, possibly two more this Christmas, and they sell.

Writing is just the same - perseverance and practice, and blogging makes it less lonely. Blogging makes you write it down if you want to stick to a schedule (damn this friday forte nonsense ;) ). Some posts will be stream of consciousness and possibly of no interest to anyone apart from your critics, other posts will stimulate discussion if you're lucky, a few posts might make it to a writing portfolio. Blogging starts you thinking beginning, middle and punch line (though don't hold your breath for one in this post). Blogging leads you into editing and proofreading and carrying a notebook to jot ideas down in ....

Fear of writing "meh" could stifle That Blog Post .... yes, the Pultizer prize or whatever the equivalent is for blogging award blog post that lives inside each and every one of us (stirring film music now plays along in the background) .... don't not write.

music dies away to a whimper ... ouch!


*OK, I am guilty of keyword stuffing - I know that if I tag a pic on flickr with toes, wellies, pussy or foot then that image will receive stellar views ;)

friday forte - bless you

It's been a week (understatement).
No exercise bragging in this post (thank goodness, I hear you cry) cos we've had a cough/cold so bad that the Wee Guy started upchucking and I took to my bed. So exercise would probably be A Very Bad Idea right now (anyways, there's a sporting event happening round here so all the sporty energy is being maintained, just not in this house).
I have however, managed a spurt of efficiency and submitted pieces for no fewer than five jury processes. The list includes pics for a book (oh the digital image hoopla), my first call for artists (still not firmly in the 'i am an artist' camp), a couple of selling venues and a new workshop proposal. Thinking positively.
Also on the 'hobby' front I've almost finished a new asymmetric 'mermaid' necklace, delivered two-thirds of content for an evening class and been accepted for a craft fair (which I now have to work out how to pay for with Vancouver snarled up in the aforementioned sporting event).
We've also taken in the olympic torch relay, one board meeting for Family Place, a visit to ER and I managed a most brutal wardrobe cull (no time for regrets as the cast offs are now safely at the trift store (gulp).
Did I mention I was solo parenting all this week?

Next week I'll be back in control of my mid-life crisis, I promise.
forte!

From Evernote:

friday forte: another money edition

how i earn my "pin money"

 
When you lose your income you lose your ability to put your hand in your pocket for cash. If you've been salaried for any significant period of time, losing that monthly input into your bank account can be hard to adjust to. If you're lucky, there will be a salaried spouse/partner and a joint bank account to keep the roof over your head and food in the belly.

But I'm not talking about escaping poverty, though that is a real luxury that I readily count among my blessings. I'm talking about losing financial autonomy and being a woman and being the non-salaried half of a couple.

There are little adjustments along the way to a zero income declaration on the tax return. A shift to talking about "his money". A near-religious observance of grocery bills and household budgeting. Fretting over billing deadlines which you cannot contribute to. Down-sizing, baking from scratch, thrift shopping, make do and mend, negotiating pocket money or an allowance, buying his christmas present with his money ... all character-building, all a source of friction, mostly inescapable.

Ladies, I heartily implore you - do not to take a back seat with family finances and let "him deal with his money". In fact, I'd urge you to stop referring to it as "his salary" - it goes to the family, no matter why you're unsalaried. I also urge you to withdraw your own salary from the household budget. If it makes it easier, discuss approving an allowance for your husband from "his" pay too. Instead of agonising over treat yes or no, cut yourself a little slack by having your own "mad money". If he has his own similar spending account it also makes budgeting easier - there is nothing more annoying than scraping together a payment for the credit card due date only to see it vanish when he makes his own impulse purchase.

Don't take a financial vacation just because you're not making the money. You are, you're generating wealth by staying at home cooking from scratch, sourcing bargains and contributing to the unpaid childcare economy.

Your contribution is important, and you owe it to yourself to realise your worth.

friday forte: planning an escape

hi o silver, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

I'm sure I had something erudite and witty planned for today's friday forte blog post but alas, it's vanished.