Friday, May 14, 2010

friday forte: you need friends ........ and i need your comments

trying on hats
Or do you?
I'm not totally and utterly convinced of their absolute necessity as I do possess serious hermit tendencies. Maybe I consider them a luxury item; nice to have but life will go on without them?

We've got a bit of a dilemma going on here. The Wee Guy's bestest friend (ever) went back to the UK a few weeks ago. They were in the same class and had regular playdates. The mum (the amazing G) was a great neighbour and friend but she missed dear old Blighty. Since they left well, playdates have gone down the toilet basically. Wee Guy's only other regular playdate has started afterschool care and I'm not sure where that leaves us for our own afterschool arrangements. Wee Guy has been haranguing me about organising more playdates.

Which is where my dilemma comes in. I can be a complete and utter hermit. Even more hermit-ish when I'm depressed. IMO friends are good for only one thing - letting you down, leaving or not being there (OK, three things - it's late and I can't count). And being let down is A Very Big Sin in my books so when I'm feeling completely down and lacking in ability, the last thing I want to do is let anybody down ..... which is easily solved when you don't have friends in the first place.

But, the Wee Guy is highly sociable, a bit of a handful emotionally and really needs his peer interactions aka playdates which requires me to interact with other mums to organise them. Which is why G was so great cos we had a regular playdate thing going on which needed nothing more than a "Next Thursday?" "Yes, fine!" interaction every few weeks. So far other playdates have been High Maintenance and since I've been a Right Moody Bitch for almost the whole school year, arranging two or three playmates has been the pinnacle of my achievement. Oh, and I have this thing about it always being me doing the running - is it some kind of working-outside-the-home mum thing that believes the SAHM has sooooo much time on her hands that doing all the social scheduling is her thang???

Back to square one now though. And I try to parent by example. I'd like to reinforce my Wee Guy's belief in friendship since, as a singleton, I think it will be important for him to develop close ties outside the family and be well socialised. SO I really should make an effort and develop some IRL friendships. This has been brutally underlined by some recent Mama Renew homework. I am meant to ask a close friend what he/she loves about me. I do not have close friends on this side of the pond; I could ask my husband but, for many reasons, I hate to count him a close friend (for the record, I think it's dangerous having a spouse as a close friend cos who do you rant to when he's the cause of the rantiness?). I also find that making friends gets harder the older I get - maybe I don't take the risks I used to or maybe there's less opportunity with not working outside the home. Being an incomer doesn't help and I'm still not used to coping with the deafness - it kills the conversation dead if I can't make social shit chat. I have had close friends here but they always seem to move away (!) - one even moved to Australia.

Is it me?

So I have no friends for my homework ........ which is where you come in, dear reader (I married him)(sorry, couldn't resist that literary pun) - what do you love about online me? Don't pull your punches - leave a comment (pls).


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