Friday, April 16, 2010

friday forte: dreams and expectations

potato bags

dream: i will be the best parent/mother ever
expectation: i will be as good as possible and not screw up the Wee Guy overmuch
reality: i stumble, i'm not perfect, i try really hard but sometimes i'm too tired or drained to give my best

dream: i will establish a wonderful career working in, around and in spite of my family which will swell the family finances without disrupting the Wee Guy's development, schooling and social life
expectation: somehow i will be able to craft some kind of fulfilling and rewarding employment opportunity
reality: the working world isn't really geared around combining raising a family and giving career fulfillment to mothers, it will be extremely hard work to carve out this little niche for myself and my family

dream: one day i will find true happiness, contentment, peace of mind and support in what i hope to achieve
expectation: it's not going to fall easily into my lap but it's not impossible!!
reality: we're both too busy and exhausted to do anything but parent and keep a roof over our heads, our relationship needs are falling by the wayside, support and contentment is in short supply ...

.... and so on ....

I really do have a great life, but I also have a lot that I still strive for (see above). I'm not a great one for stagnating; IMO there are always improvements and tweaks that can be made to improve. Right now I need to increase my job satisfaction levels! .... and as usual it's a WIP.
As a mother/woman/non-salaried wife-at-home it's too easy to bury dreams and expectations under the family good, to downplay them as not important or even feel guilty for 'wanting more'.
Oh I've had so much well-intentioned advice on this subject over the years.
FWIW
I do count my blessings and don't need reminding.
I am grateful for all that is done for me and mine.
I understand that there are those who would willingly swap places at the drop of the hat.
However I still want to change, and this should benefit my family. Just because I have a child/education/husband/my own teeth/no need to work outside the home/freckles doesn't automatically give me the express lift to happy happy land. Have you considered it might actually be worse!
I have my own negative inner dialogue to dual with, it doesn't need assistance thank you very much so please don't expect me to be content with what I have.
Dreaming and seeking improvement are very human - don't dehumanise me.

kthnxbai

2 comments:

Post a Comment

ebb and flo by pomo mama design click to shop pomo mama design online!