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| am i still there? |
aka where I have a look inside my head to see what's kicking around in there today.
Today .... well I'm going to riff (a little, well probably going off at a tangent) off Amber's Crafting My Life Thursday posts which have been 'theme-ing' on support and relationships and dreaming your dreams, during September.
Well ..... I have my dreams, and they're as subject to knock-downs, lacks of confidence, doubt and plain old fear as the next SAHM. Just when you're getting to grips, convincing yourself that you can make it a reality, a big old knock down comes along. In my case, it's usually a lack of support that delivers the biggest K.O. to my psyche. I scuttle back into believing that nothing I do will ever amount to much and I'll be stuck in my miserable, unfulfilling existence of unappreciated domestic servitude.
With a widespread base of support, failures are easy to ignore and probably don't crap you out that much. My trouble is that I have such a very small support network and failures hit hard. In contrast, my sister, who is battling a much larger subset of demons, has a very enviable, widely spread support base, of which I am truly jealous (honest!). She has a varied group of friends, work colleagues and online acquaintances who she can draw on for strength. They rally round her, and I'm sure around each other when needed. She has a real gift for making friends and keeping them, whereas I am Norman No Mates because of my hermit-like tendencies to retire to my cave to lick my wounds.
Sadly I've always preferred to muddle through things on my own, which only works when you are in fact on your own. Although family can be a great support network, when you feel let down there's really no getting away from it :( and lack of support translates into a lack of confidence in what you're doing ... and so on .... Hence, the need to cultivate a larger support network .... and stop wasting time mulling over it when it goes wrong.
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| re-inventing myself |
But what to do, what to do? I feel like a mercenary going out to seek recruits for my support network. I'm not the greatest of pals (but I'm not completely boring either). I'd rather have occasional coffee dates than a deeply meaningful bonding weekend together. I like company but I also like time alone. Am I 'friend' material? Do I need to reinvent myself.
Coincidentally, I've solved another of my support conundrums with after-school care two afternoons a week.
If I can buy childcare support, can I rent out some friends too?
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| or fading away? |
Logging you in...
Amber · 759 weeks ago
I don't know what the answer is, honestly. Right now, I am eagerly awaiting my own childcare (starting next week, yay!), and then maybe I'll have time to re-group and assess again. Right now, a lot of the time, I'm just in a fog of existing. It makes me not much fun to be around, I fear.
My recent post My Dreams- Myself
pomomama 72p · 759 weeks ago
I honestly think I'll have to start scheduling "support network/friends" time into my days but it sounds so artificial.
I need a manual (Friendship For Dummies)
Lil sis · 759 weeks ago
I know it's tougher for you now that you're across the pond and uprooted from folks you knew growing up. and for me it's easier since most of my friends are through the workplace, and your workplace friends are largely either related to you already or non human (cat, guinea pig, occasionally aquatic).
For what it's worth, I think you're doing amazingly well. For all your hermit tendencies, which we both have by the way, you have a support network and you make the effort to stay in touch with them. You're also dealing with all sorts of shit that I don't have to (my demons are just different, not bigger or harder!).
I love you big sis - keep on being you.
xxx
pomomama 72p · 759 weeks ago
The sad fact though is that I don't have the friends over here. I hardly go out and days are spent at home or typing away down at a coffee shop. I have a great collection of online friends to natter away with but no local support network I could meet at the coffee shop for some downtime. I am in fact very isolated and I really do need to work on it! I don't make friends easily and those that I have done since arriving in BC have moved, Emma back to Australia, Nanette to Saskatoon and Gemma back to UK. It's kind of put me off getting to know anyone else (or maybe it's me LOL). Being married to a hermit with zero social tendencies doesn't help much either - I can't remember the last time we did go out, and he doesn't get out much anyway.
No, my support network fabrication needs a plan of attack too, just like my business needs a plan and my writing needs to go back to school.
Marianne · 759 weeks ago
pomomama 72p · 759 weeks ago
I would love to take up your spin-in and coffee idea but grrrr! i'll be in Victoria for the weekend at a social media conference. shucks.
maybe we could be bad friends together another time (i'll