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| grandma's resin beads against the blue of my cardi |
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| pattern tights (from a mini shopping spree in Amsterdam) with thrift dress and boots |
The last eight weeks have been a drain on my energy, confidence levels and emotions.
- mr ebb was away alternate weeks for three out of five of the eight weeks, with him home recovering from jet-lag a week between each trip
- thus three weeks were spent solo parenting
- my FIL was stricken (which is blog-speak for 'i'm not going to talk about it but it was serious') necessitating mr ebb spending the last half of a business travel week back in Blighty with him (FIL is recovering slowly now)
- mr ebb underwent a surgical procedure himself three weeks ago and has been stricken/in convalescence since
- i gallantly managed to be Florence Nightingale for the first 48 hours and then the novelty/effects of general anaesthesia wore off
- in his stricken/convalescent state, mr ebb has been recuperating/working from home (and is much better now)
- mr ebb has been working from home earning money, whereas i realise i merely piss about staying busy with invented projects and cleaning up
- the Winter college semester ended almost four weeks ago so i have had Nothing To Do since then except play nurse, feed the boys and scrub toilets
While none of these events were individually overwhelming, cumulatively they ganged up on me big time. My spirits have been flagging since last week, along with energy levels and ability to fight off migraines, tinnitus and vertigo/nausea. :(
My main problem is that all my days blur into one, with no clear demarcation of work/leisure/relaxation time. It's not something I've built into my schedule and neither is it something that family/married life automatically provides. The housework is always there when you work from home and it's easy to miss out on treats if no one else is arranging them. As the family concierge, the last thing on a stay-at-home parent's mind is yet another event prep/book the babysitter/order the tickets/book the table, even if it is for some "me/we" time. It might be easier to avoid the chore of booking a babysitter by going out solo, but it's also lonely and not that uplifting. Catch-22.
I hadn't realised quite how empty my tank was, nor how much it would take for me to fill it up again. I've written about the need for friends before - I need to put my words into action. With good support I can do anything - without it, I'm a mess. It's a good wake-up call to be prepared in future.
