Thursday, February 06, 2014

spt 6feb14: skiving

skiving, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

There's not much snow about so far this season, but what there is at Hollyburn is in great condition thanks to some expert trails maintenance.
This time last year I was settling into a five-days-per-week post grad certificate, getting used to an early morning commute, classes all day, homework, extra childcare for the Wee Guy, having mr ebb at home to cope with the gaps ... I was busy.
Within a couple of months of the end of the classroom stuff I had not one but three jobs so whizz! the summer went by in another haze of non-stop on-the-go where's the next childcare? busy-ness.
We coped. I managed. I scheduled.
It was an experience. Was this what I wanted?
But this year, I'm developing the reputation of being a flake.
I'm not in school this semester.
I dropped one job before Christmas.
And with a great deal of soul-searching, I dropped out of another commitment just after Christmas.
Simply put, I cannot be everything.
I cannot do everything even though I thought I could.
Due to some changes with his work, mr ebb is no longer available for home work. He also has some decidedly last minute travel situations and business trips. Forward planning? In your dreams. But not his fault.
Meaning that it is mostly up to me to be around for the Wee Guy.
Meaning that working from home is best for me right now. So I can be around.
It cuts down on possibilities. It also cuts down on the stress.
I realise though that I've become one of those flakey mums I used to despise - you know, the ones who would call off at the last moment leaving everyone else in the lurch.
So right now I'm coping with having let someone down but also knowing that in the future I need to recognise, accept the limitations, which really aren't all that bad, but (working) life is definitely different this time around.
Being over-busy, and trying to schedule every aspect of family life, dealing with all the complications by pretending that a mum can work just like she did Before Child is nuts.
While other mums might be able to go back to a working life of old, this mum can't.
This mum won't.
Not yet.

PS: It's not all glum, honest!
PPS: Does this make any sense at all?

ebb and flo by pomo mama design click to shop pomo mama design online!