Thursday, July 29, 2010

self portrait thursday

summer garb SPT
despite all the kvetching about the hairstyle (bangs or no bangs), off the face is the only real option in this heat

This is Thursday. This is me.
Just returned from a trip into the Big City (one pair of Fluevogs ordered, packaging supplies collected) back to suburban hell utopia.

So, what's up this Thursday?
Yesterday evening I had a 'date' with my Wee Guy. It was my 'make it up to you' date to him. When mummy's on a downer life's no fun for a child. We went swimming after his sailing camp. I chased him around the pool, helped him do front flips underwater and challenged him to absurd swimming races. He made me smile, really smile.

It's not fair: when I'm miserable he gets the shitty end of the stick. He gets inconsistency, irritability, apathy, silence or tears.
It's not fair: when I'm miserable I feel a total failure as a mother, my dreams vanish, I lose my sweet self, I lose any motivation for anything full stop.
It's not fair: when I'm miserable it's not the Wee Guy's fault, and he still suffers.
It's not fair: when I'm miserable it's not completely my fault, and I still suffer.
It's not fair: when I'm miserable I realise all the steps I've taken to set things on the right track don't work because it's not just me.

It's not fair.

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