Dear Mum

Dear Mum

There are some questions I need to ask.
Some questions that I never realised I should ask, until now.

Were there days when the frustration of endless housework was worse than the frustration of not knowing how to break out of it? Were there days where despite having been on your feet all day that absolutely no progress had been made? and there was the expectation of doing it all over again tomorrow?

Were there days after breakfast when you didn't speak to a living soul? When your first conversation began, "So how was school today?" or did you find yourself talking to yourself/the cat/the guinea pigs/the floor mop? Did they answer back?

Were there days when you envied those of us for leaving the house and getting out into the Big Wide World? Were there times when you hated us for being able to do so? And, as a total contradiction, did you dread the weekends since it would mean we were all at home together?

Were there days when you waved us off down the path to the school bus, and then went straight back to bed because the alternative of staying awake and conscious was too much? Did you ever look round at your empty house and wonder "What am I going to do all day?" Did you ever look round the empty house and say, "How am I going to do this for the rest of my life?"

Were there days when all you wanted to do was scream at the injustice and unrelenting boredom of it all? When you wanted to kick and scream at being so financially dependent and trapped? or were they tempered with calmness knowing there was a man lovingly looking after and providing for his family? or did this just make you feel guilty about being frustrated anyway?

Did you ever look in the mirror and wonder where all those years went? and more to the point, what was in all those years for you? Apart from successfully raising two daughters to adulthood, did those years mean anything to you? Can you say you were fulfilled?

Were there days when you calmed your thoughts, thinking that it would be different in the future for your daughters if they had families?

Sadly they're not
but I just wanted to say thank you for everything you did and gave up to stay at home for us.

xoxo