So what now? What does all this "friday forte" stuff really mean?
This is not a cry for help or for commiseration.
It's not seeking sympathy or pointing accusing fingers (though I really do rant on a lot about it).
It's not begging for solutions though I love your comments. They are thoughtful and insightful and supportive. Although no one can tell me what to do, the mere fact that you are dropping by to leave your mark is a great boost to me. Thank you.
No, this is me choosing to publicly (well as publicly as you can get with a blog readership of 28) describe what I'm going through right now. These posts are what is happening inside my head as I try to justify and make sense of the way I feel right now at this point in my life. It's not pretty and it's quite scrappy; to be completely honest I would rather not be having to do this.
Simply put, I am trying to move thru all of this emotional and other baggage to get out on the other side. I'm trying to discover how I should make my way thru the rest of my life, with enthusiasm and passion and confidence abounding to pass onto the Wee Guy. It's something I really do need to work out for myself - I've done it before, possibly more painfully, and arrived on a good path to take ... and it's been all my own work ..... which I've been more at ease with eventually than with someone else's solution. Where do I go now?
One of the most influential books in my life has been Dale Carnegie's How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
which I got my hands on (and no doubt extra worries) when my husband moved in with his vast eclectic library of self help books (ranging from writing a resume to the tao of sex!). The main thing I learned from Dale was that I should name and prioritise my worries before facing them. It still works for me hence the blogging about it.So far I've faced and 'beaten down' image (new hairstyle, and revamped wardrobe), adding a little spring in my step. I've tackled what I need to do every day by timetabling/prioritising, and tried to paste in a little 'me' time once in a while. Following some seriously depressing online counseling I've made more effort to widen my circle; as an avowed hermit this is not easy. I've stepped up the exercise. I've also identified what was stopping me in my tracks and boosted my babysitting options. My home business is benefiting.
Spring is bursting in on the scene and with all that I've achieved so far, I'm feeling very optimistic. On reflection and in hindsight, maybe I should have planned the motherhood thing and mid life crisis not to happen at exactly the same time, but with efficiency I can knock two birds on the head at once! Still on the drawing board are the biggies; career/employment/further education, business planning for pomo mama design, family life/relationships/parenting (an ongoing work of art!), my dreams. Stay tuned!
forte!
More Friday forte posts here
