friday forte: heading off down the path

intrepid and friend part 4, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

So today I made a decision.

I also ordered another Diva Cup from Lunapads because a. I refuse to cope with menstruation without one and b. I set fire to my current cup.
Don't let the water boil dry when doing the end-of-use sterilisation procedure. One siliconised pan and lid later, and I was online waving my credit card at the screen. The replacement should arrive well before my next period. Period.

My decision? Well, it has to do with setting off down a path (hence the cute pic of the Wee Guy and a girl friend). So now I've made my decision and have to sit, waiting for the other party to make theirs.

Right now I'm feeling like I have quite a few balls in the air, all aloft but only just.

Then I move on to the plate spinning.
Wish me luck.

spt30may13: looking up?

spt30may13, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

Looking up from under a new do. Yes, I've had my hair expertly chopped back (by Jen from Volution Salon, of course) to the same style as when I 'landed' in Canada over a decade ago. It still sticks up dramatically but is now more salt and pepper than bright red; the highlights this time are natural.

Are things looking up?
I think so.
I'm on yet another cusp.
As life progresses incrementally two steps forward and one-and-a-half back, I seem to be moving in the right direction.

I now have a freelance gig going on and am thoroughly enjoying it.
I had not one but two job interviews on Tuesday this week.
Last week brought a couple of Really Interesting Conversations which could potentially eventually perhaps lead to some things productive.
Yesterday I delivered seven (yes - 7) pieces for an art exhibition following a blinding rush of creativity.
My college writing program is being axed, but I should be able to carry work over into a new post-degree program that is scripted to run during more family-friendly hours.
I think I know more now about what I don't want, and what I am prepared to set aside, and how that actually seems OK with me.
And home seems an appealing place to be around.

But, even though the forward motion seems microscopic, I feel like I'm making more progress than I have in a long time.

Looking up? Why, yes.

thrifted stripey asymmetric cardi (Suzi Shier); artisan glass necklace (Mojacar, Spain); gently-used long sleeve top (Gap); repurposed filigree metal earrings (gift)

wordless wednesday: a jumble

what is one hundred?, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

buddy photographers

buddy photographers, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

My sidekick, by my other sidekick.
Life gets more complicated with sidekicks but is also more enjoyable.
Right now, my sidekicks are heavily influencing the steps I take going forward.
And I welcome that kind of interference.
Their influence helps me focus on what's important in life.
And what's not.
Decision time - coming to a blog near you pretty soon.

automatically

Sent from Samsung tablet

Even more tentacles

Even more tentacles, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

Even more tentacles

wordless wednesday: to be or not to be?

logo WIP, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

stay tuned

SPT16may13: coincidental

what is one hundred?, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

Caught myself, coincidentally, while snapping some macros for a WIP destined for an exhibit at the end of May. It's a long time since a. I've made any jewelry and b. I've captured my reflection in a bead.

Coincidentally, I may have been in the right place at the right time.

Coincidentally, something that I love doing might be a path to something productive.

Coincidentally, and just maybe, I found something when I wasn't looking.

Have you found me yet>

wordless wednesday: 15may13

late afternoon walk round the Inlet Trails with the Wee Guy and mr ebb

all the fun of the (science) fair

all the fun of the (science) fair, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

SFU 'does science' :)

friday forte: on hold

yes, the fab wedges are thrifted too :)

Yesterday's outfit - a triumph of thrift, yet I'm feeling the opposite of joyous. To be completely honest, I'm really miserable. My lack of success with job applications is getting me down. There's nothing I can do about it except keep on revamping my résumé and crafting those witty attention-grabbing cover letters.

For those of you in employment or not currently on the seeking-paid-work treadmill, it's an exhausting and thankless task. After at least an hour's research and preparation, application packs get sent off into the digital void; weeks later, you've heard absolutely nothing. There's no acknowledgement these days, no thanks for applying - we'll be in touch in xyz weeks. Nothing. Nada.

Sometimes I follow up, asking for feedback or offering to supply more material - deafening digital silence. There are way more job seekers than there are positions to fill, even in the midst of this skills shortage.

I never thought it would happen to me, but it has. I worked hard at school, graduated from university, worked through a PhD and held down a postdoc. I've even gone back to school for two different post-secondary accreditations. And don't get me started on the amount of volunteer work I've done, building up new skills and keeping old ones current. I'm a seething mass of new skill acquisition - which skill should I learn/update next? Adobe Muse? Pay-per-click advertising? SEO? Tantric sex?

I thought I was doing all the right things while I stayed home with baby, as a new immigrant, as the trailing spouse .. it doesn't seem so.

As I head closer to 50, it gets easier to imagine reaching retirement without having anything to actually retire from. I'm sure this raises a laugh for some.

Apparently 'many women' would love to be in my shoes, staying at home with the kid, being a kept woman, and yes, I count my blessings - I do indeed have the kid and the husband package. But all is not right in my world. These 'many women' don't see the intense frustration of staying home with nothing better than scrubbing toilets, nagging and chasing dust bunnies. Personally I need more. Housework does not equal fulfillment; a clean toilet is not job satisfaction; being home for a kid after school is wonderful but staying home alone all day while kid is at school is a waste ... and please don't suggest any more volunteering. Canada has had all the free work I'm willing to give - no new projects; pay me.

It is, of course, up to me to keep going. Write - edit - research - apply. There is no magic wand to wave. All mr ebb can do is hold me close and stroke my hair as I rant myself to sleep, while the Wee Guy puts up with my grumpiness.

[side note: as each application vanishes into the void i'm getting closer to taking the work-from-home route, which in the long run would be much more sensible for the in and around bit of family life. so far, i've landed a sweet web content gig for a local website which gets me thinking out-and-about locally, and i'm thinking about exploiting my social media/digital skills for hire. wish me luck! i long for a water cooler and workmates, but maybe building it myself would work better]

wordless wednesday: from years ago

out and about with Mr T, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

friday forte: nothing clear yet

testing out new oil bars in my sketchbook 

I admit - the Wee Guy's birthday week was a bittersweet, marking ten years as mum to the most wonderful, joyous, feisty little human-being-in-progress ever (biased I know but so true IMO) but also a decade of standing still. If anything, I feel worse off than when I arrived in Canada twelve years ago.

While mr ebb has moved jobs, been promoted and 'seen the world', and the Wee Guy has learned to walk, read, write and become a keen-eyed camera enthusiast/cartoonist/inventor/scientist/philospher, I am still unemployed, at-home, directionless, and stuck. It's frustrating, I'll be honest, and feels out of my control. To stop the 'count your blessings cheerleaders in the crowd, after a year of applying for jobs I've yet to land one interview.

When I arrived in Canada, freshly unemployed and facing endless time on my hands, I chose volunteering to build my new networks. I've explored new options - my previous careers weren't ones that fitted well with my expectations of parenting - why have a child when all you want to do is work outside the home full time? (Note: this is my opinion, for my family circumstances - there's no judgement implied). I continued volunteering to develop the skills SAHMs are told keep fresh while vegetating domestically. With practical application of (expensive) classroom lessons, my skills are tested and proven, not theoretical. 

But I'm still hitting a brick wall.

And frankly, after ten years, it's getting a little monotonous.

And not a little depressing.

So I wallowed a little a lot until mr ebb worked his magic. 

I'm still applying for jobs (and there are some outrageous postings out there, asking for either unfeasible skill sets or outrageous lengths of experience for junior salaries) but also rethinking the working-from-home option. I've started writing for a local website (OK, yes I did land an interview if you can count coffee with a friend as such) - first post published this Wednesday, thank you :) and I'm formulating a business plan for basic social network set-up services (I am amazed how many people I speak to don't know how to get started on social media or even set up a simple template web site - stay tuned for endless promotion!).

In the meantime, I'm getting back to 'enjoying the moment' - daft as it seems, when all you can think about is how useless you must be if you can't land an interview despite skills, experience and certification, moments are hard to enjoy. Playing around with new crayons seems like a good antidote.

wordless wednesday: 10y on

10y on, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

a day late ... but we been celebrating :)