Monday, May 17, 2010

only way across

only way across, originally uploaded by ebbandflo_pomomama.

We (the family, all together, all of us ...) had a good weekend. I worked Saturday in the artist's cooperative gift shop, made stuff and chatted with People Other Than Family Or Other Mums (NB: I generally have nothing against most other mums but sometimes it's good to break out of the loop for a while). On Sunday evening I got up to speed by scheduling blogging for the Blackberrry Artist's blog and continued "Telling Tales" over on my 'business' blog (it's a garden theme this week in case you're interested). In the middle of it all we managed a (successful) family outing to run around at Capilano Suspension bridge (long scary wobbly rope bridge over a big drop gorge!). It was fun.
copper flowers
made stuff
Having a Good Weekend together was the bonus for Going Thru Some Family Angst caused by a certain wee person's aversion to Hard Work and Piano Practice. Shouty McShoutyperson was at home two evenings running and lots of Things Were Said Which Were Regretted By Both Sides. Sleeping heads were patted in the night, tears were shed and vows were made to Do Things Better etc etc etc according to all things New Parenty.
Then breakthrough!
One of the best things we (DH and I) have ever done for Family Harmony has been showing the Wee Guy how to use the video player, tv and Wii totally by himself! This simple act has resulted in many a quiet weekend lie in (or bed bouncing, whatever) and tempers are restored.
However, this weekend, instead of rushing to the Wii to create another hundred Mii's or vanquish a duck or two or jam with a 100-piece orchestra the Wee Guy instead treated us to a concert of his piano pieces. Yes, the same piano pieces over which much wailing, teeth gnashing and shoutiness had occurred the preceding two evenings.
The it occurred to me, following a comment on another blog post, that he takes after me. If something bugs me I have to deal with it a most painful and foul-to-me manner with much (inward) shouting, ranting and wailing (OK not all of it inward). It's a very physical process and a very emotional process but in the end I'm usually pretty pleased with the solution I've arrived at. It's been my own work, not something imposed on me. And then I remembered - I was like this as a child. I never really took the easy road (and still don't) or conformed or ran with the crowd.

Poor Wee Guy! It's not going to be an easy life but it will be truly crafted by yourself to your eventual satisfaction. Hopefully you can learn some strategies to make things easier (pssst! if you find some, let me know too).
Capilano Gorge
turmoil and a long drop


harriet glynn said...

The genetic, emotional connection is a fascinating one that I see over and over with my own parents. It's odd and interesting to think that I won't have that immediate reaction with my son. Or will I?

pomomama said...

You pose a deep question. I'm sure it's one that has puzzled/perplexed and worried adoptive families thru time.
re: genetics
I remember being completely blown away watching my 14 day old son and my husband yawn in unison - they looked just like each other, each phase of the yawn was identical. It was then that I knew there was much more to this 'having a child' thing than changing diapers and ensuring adequate nutrition.

But remember, there is nature and nurture in genetics - the genotype and the phenotype or expression. My mother, who was formally adopted by her step father at an early age after the death of her biological father, resembled her non-biological offspring greatly, mannerisms and even looks IMO.

I feel a hint/tinge of sadness in your comment (I feel it for you) but I still believe that you and Theo have the best of both worlds ahead of you. I'm sure you will make amazing connectedness discoveries over the years. Most of my connectedness moments with my Wee Guy have arisen from our continued close proximity living arrangements (what a mouthful) and not so much from inheritance.

The yawning still blows me away though, as does seeing my little sister in him too!

Anonymous said...

It's not always easy when they take after us, is it? Hopefully, at least, having been through it yourself will help you deal with it this time around.

pomomama said...

It's not easy at all, but in some ways it might be easier too.
If I could only remember exactly what I felt when I was going thru what he goes thru, if I could remember what I wanted to happen, what kind of help ..... maybe I can guide him along a slightly easier path.
Of course by now I've recognised that he, like me, hates being instructed, told, ordered etc and needs to find his own path for change to be effective but at least I can throw a few 'bones' into the path for him to gnaw on while he works things out.
Strangely, it's also helping me deal with issues or behaviours which are current in myself.

Oh this mothering thing! Quite sure none of the books mentioned all this emotional self learning stuff ......

Bex said...

What a beautiful blog post big sis xx

pomomama said...

Thanks lil' sis. I'm so glad Shouty McShoutyperson left the building of his own accord before the weekend ....

... actually I'm stunned really!

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