Friday, January 22, 2010

Friday forte!


Not too sure where this one is going but ....

I'm currently about halfway thru my forties which, according to some persistent myths (designed to deflect attention from the menopause I guess), means I'm sailing thru my prime years ..... except I'm not particularly happy with the route being chosen for me. Thanks to a steady diet of "having children is a waste of your time and talents" in my youth I'm now navigating my own uncharted waters as an older mother while coping with a son at elementary school. It's rough difficult; he's getting to grips with socialising, school discipline, authority and I'm wrestling with wrinkles, lack of salary and the frustration of 24/7 motherhood. Although life can get a little "shouty" at times, I certainly not zipping along thru my own Roaring Forties by any stretch.

I'm tired of whimpering thru what should be an exciting decade and, thanks to some thoroughly depressing e-counselling this Fall, have realised it's totally down to me to introduce some forte in my life. Helpful suggestions from the e-counselor included take more exercise, get out of the house more, make more friends, and think about employment to increase financial independence.

Great advice ...... but ..... my main frustration right now is childcare. And most of this list requires ... childcare! I cannot automatically rely on my partner for this. For example, last week he didn't let me know that he would be late home one evening so I missed my meeting. With no family living close (or even on the same continent!) an emergency call to grandma was out of the question. It was too short notice to ask friends to babysit. He's usually home too late anyway for making evening plans and it's not the first time this has happened - the exotic world of work outside the home can usually divvy up at least one extended work day or throw in an unexpected business trip every week or so. It's getting difficult to plan ahead these days.

I could of course just throw in the towel, abandon career/business dreams and surrender to SAH-motherhood ... or I could be more proactive in masterminding my independence. Paradoxically this will be achieved by increasing my reliance on others! I need to improve my network of childminding support and identify the situations where I will need it, eg. an hour or less cover till DH comes home, or longer during an evening when I'm teaching a class; sleepovers for later night functions (and thanks to the amazing G who has come to my rescue with this one a couple of times already!) or perhaps even whole days when craft fair season looms. Instead of being at the mercy of my husband's employer, I may be able to plan my life out semi-independently .... and roar thru the rest of my forties with a little less frustration.


Bex said...

Hey big sis.

Sorry you're feeling down. Life's a bitch sometime, and the grass always seems greener, but rarely is.

Want my advice, make the most of what you've got and don't envy so much what other's appear to have - it's quite often an illusion.

Getting some exercise might help though. The endorphins from exercise do genuinely help to lift mood - why not go down to the local gym one day a week when the little guy is at school? Get a programme set for you that you can do each week and you'll be more likely to go.

Plus re work, you should follow up on some of your home-working ideas. I think they're really great and know that you would be good at them.

Take life in your hands and shake it till it's how you want it!

You are amazing, never forget that.

Love you xx

pomomama said...

Thanks lil sis! Apart from some wistful thinking about the good parts of 'life that was' most of my feelings have been frustration. Traditional fulltime employment is not currently possible (and when I remember the rest of life before baby, it wasn't that great anyway) so I do have plans to fit in and around the family. However it is frustrating not being able to follow them thru. A lot of what the counselor advised I was already trying to put in action; gyms/pools with childminding have a been a big part of my life since the wee guy was able to enjoy them, and fulltime (LOL) schooling has given a lot more freedom, but a lot of what I hope to accomplish is evening- or weekend-based when I need childminding! That's my current frustration. I know I want to do, I'm just not so clear on how I can get it done. My first step is setting up reliable childcare which I can access when I need to.

Anonymous said...

Childcare really is hard. We have local family, but 'local' still means 45 minutes away, and so last-minute calls aren't possible. I hope that you find a solution that works for you, and if you do please tell me all about it! :)

pomomama said...

of course i'll tell you Amber (tiptoes away quietly with top secret list of baby sitters in hand .....)

i wonder if lullaby league is active out here?

Bex said...

I think my point is, you have guaranteed childcare for 5 hours a day while the wee guy is at school. Maybe you should think about using that more and spend less time worrying about/getting frustrated about the stuff that's less easy to control?

Easy for me to say I know as I don't have the juggling problems that you do, but I have learned that one of the ways to inner peace is to work with what you can control and stress less about the stuff you can't.

Anonymous said...

Sounds to me like you are on the cusp of something. Interestingly, from what little I know of you, I think wow, now she's totally got it together - what with the super crafting, the family, the blogging. Hang in there.

pomomama said...

Thanks Harriet (yes, i sneaked a peek at your blog - you have your hands full of adorable fun there!)

Funny - I too have that fuzzy feeling that I'm on the cusp of something .... but the difference these days is that I'm acutely aware I could blow it all! I've never ever felt so lacking in confidence as I do now .... so big thanks for thinking I've got it together!

Since writing that post I have managed to move myself forward a little ...... and it feels good!

Post a Comment

ebb and flo by pomo mama design click to shop pomo mama design online!