Sunday, June 22, 2014
Friday, June 20, 2014
|happy father's day|
My first thought when I saw this photo was, OMG who is that woman eep! it's me - I look totally hot!
Then I thought, don't be silly.
Then I took another peek, and yes - with the flirty look and the (ahem, morethan) hint of cleavage- definitely sexy.
It was a bit of a shock - sexy is apparently not something I do these days.
It doesn't figure in my day-to-day and, in common I suppose with a lot of midlife mums with an eleven year old boy farting/tearing around the house, hasn't for a long time.
So seeing this pic was a real throw-back to college years - the last time apparently that I did sexy pretty well (with lashings of black eyeliner, tight black clothing and hairspray). Once the shock died down, it was sort of gratifying to see that my recently improved self-care regime is having some result - all that time applying extra body lotion has been well spent. I took a look in the mirror a few weeks ago and realised with horror how much I'd let things slide. Cue the moisturisers!
mr ebb, bless him, has never been particularly fussed about the visuals one way or another, so there'd been no hints from him about letting myself go. In some ways it's quite a blessing not to have to be high maintenance with lacey frou-frou, svelte bunnygirl figure,immaculate make up and so on, but on the other hand, the lack of any feedback or effect is quite disconcerting ... especially growing older I find. Reassurance is good.
Until I saw the photo, I had completely forgotten that I can do sexy.
Cue Justin Timberlake, perhaps.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Today - I guess day 4 of The Strike. We came to Vancouver and had lunch on Granville Island. The Wee Guy has been awesome during his early unofficial summer holidays - we have nothing planned to keep him entertained and I still have work coming in to deal with. It's being tucked into odd hours and he's being tucked into odd hours too.
There's been a lot of Minecraft.
There's one frazzled mum.
(Did I mention that the house is up for sale too?)
In some ways this reminds of him and me together before he started school days (without the Minecraft). I was constantly The Parent and we moved as one. We had a lot of fun, but I remember wondering when I got a break from being the mum and instead had fun being the wife, or the woman, or employed or whatever - anything other than the parent. It was very intense.
Note to self: for summer sanity, keep taking the breaks.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Friday, June 13, 2014
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Monday, June 09, 2014
Friday, June 06, 2014
Thursday, June 05, 2014
OK. I'm a little less bitter than at the start of the week. Got that out of my system. Let's move on.
Today was day two of teacher strikes in our area of the province. The wee guy won the lottery and got a day at out-of-school care. I spent the day wisely, catching up with writing projects and domestic tasks. The house is up for sale so the domestic tasks are in must-do mode rather than whenever.
It's quite a relief to get the selling process underway at last. We've been feeling antsy ever since coming back from Venice, even pondering a move back to Europe. We looked at shoeboxes we could afford in Vancouver and then went to some open house viewings near where are right now. We're staying in the neighbourhood.
It seemed to take an age to start the house sale process. I insisted on decluttering; mr ebb kept hoping for That Perfect Vancouver Mansion (at the right price). The wee Guy hung in there with his crazy parents. Grizz got worried.We now have a very clean and minimally furnished house.
It is a relief to make the decision and get things moving, so to speak.
Now we just need to sell.
And find somewhere to live.
How's your summer looking?
Wednesday, June 04, 2014
Monday, June 02, 2014
Almost a month without blogging, she notes wryly. Social media communicator eh? Digital explorer? Pah!
But I'm still here. No news, as I was told recently, is good news so don't fear the worst.
Midlife is looking good these days. I don't think much has changed materially, but I'm getting more out of it as I slip closer to end of a fifth decade. I still feel like I'm surrounded by confusion, that I'm peering through it and almost dwarfed by what's going on around me.However, now I feel noticed. I feel like I'm making my mark - a very small indent into the world around me, rather than just sucking up the pokes.
What's the difference?
Firstly, I think that being paid to write is having the most effect. When I sit at my keyboard and tap out 500 words or so, it makes a difference out there. All the classes, blogging, social media exploration and so on is finally paying off. Enough of a difference to receive payment and be noticed. I'm both gobsmacked and incredibly grateful that my words mean something to someone else, that they are of value. Of course, this only makes sense if you've also gone through a period of questioning the value of what you do, of not being paid or being unable to work. So far, each month in the last year has been like the first time I ever got paid for work - the first babysitting, the first part-time job, the first full-time position ... all incredibly meaningful to me and probably me alone.
Secondly, I've stopped the busywork. I no longer stay busy just to blot out the emptiness. Again, nothing has changed dramatically but I now value my down time as much as I value being productive. I don't measure myself against how much I do in a day - I listen to how I feel at the end of that day instead. And right now, it's OK.
I'm also much more confident that I can - I've withdrawn from the doubters who clutter my head with
expressions of concern that I don't know what I'm doing. I'm perfectly capable of convincing myself that I'm under-qualified, incompetent, not good enough, a fraud and imposter ... except that now I don't - I give it my best shot, and that's been good enough so far.
So I'm still here - still writing, still parenting the most incredible Wee Guy and still married to the fantastic mr ebb. I'm possibly stretching the midlife thing a bit far these days but honestly, I don't feel older. I've got just over a year to come up with another nifty blogging title but until then, midlife monday it stays.
PS: If you really want the day-by-day then head over to Instagram - that's where the snaphosts, the odd thoughts and the daily pussy go now, and thanks to some nifty IFTTT action, the images even upload automatically to Flickr.